Wednesday, January 19, 2011

PARADISE Lost

Human life with all its vigor and color, looks bleak, when you wake up on a promising, cold Saturday morning and wonder how to spend it. The need to have a companion, someone to talk to, someone who would bring you steaming coffee, while you are still on bed and someone to embrace and lie down for another half an hour forgetting the bubbles and worries of the world, made me realize why people get married.

The weather was good, wallet heavy, but plans for the day, NIL.

The coming of an old love, to talk with and get drunk seemed promising enough and man she could drink. I got to see a new version of this old girl, with whom I spend, what seemed to be a million hours, talking about mundane things and fondling many a vodka bottlenecks. The bleakness of the day gave way to the swinging of alcohol and life seemed content for a moment, the time we stood on terrace, watching the stars in an embrace and a bottle and two glasses by the side.

All good things definitely comes to an end and so did the vodka bottle from which we were sipping. The time for her to leave me and go to the world she belongs to, arrived. She left leaving me with a void feeling and only a message in my phone to remind me of what I meant to her and what I still mean. The text was crisp and every time I read it, I knew what all I missed in these past one year and what all I lost.

"Here lies my ashes, here lies my remains, cry if you want, weep if you must, but then I am gone to the world, gone to this happy living earth. Living on this earth, each moment, each hour, striking down on my survival, lack of air supply, lack of reasons to stick on. Have to move on, have to try the next stage, death is dear, life so much more dearer, but it all had to end, someday, sometime. Laughing out loud now that I am gone. Its been such a joke that nobody got a clue, nobody knew the torments from within. At this moment, I wish, life was different. That I didn't make those mistakes that you left me for. But, such is life. Honey, such is life. Love you always, love you till your end. That is my last testimony. I love you."

Monday, January 17, 2011

Days Untold

It has been a while since I "penned". Ventures untold are usually the ones which I keep hidden in the background away from the prying eyes of the world. A lot happened over the last one year, I lost some important people, whose absence is felt every day with a pang. I have grown bigger with the year but also shorter with regard to many a thing in life.

Working for a tax firm, though for wealth firangis and nothing to do with the 'aam junta" of my land, one learns the art of measuring each day by hours. The good old 24 hour a day clock still works, but a professional services firm, instills a complete new picture about hours and minutes of a day. 8 Hours in an office with loads of gray cells wasted and always wondering whether the 8 hours gonna be dragged and still wondering what to do if it doesn't.

Sleep takes a back stage, since my sleep hormones works like a switch. I could turn it on, any time, any where, what ever the environment be, from hard metal parties to the silence of my one bedroom apartment. 6 Months working like Madam Curie, attending tax returns while they called for me, catching sleep sitting on uncomfortable chairs, eating bleak grub from the weirdest and dirtiest of places and lying on bed on Saturday mornings wondering what to do once I have to leave the comfort of my bed. Most questions are answered, but then there are some which stays inside you, like how you feel while nursing a hangover, the booze is not present, but the sting is. No matter what one does, the feeling stays and the only healer is time. The demon questions for me is - "Where is my life heading? What the fuck am I doing with my life?"


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