Thursday, May 12, 2011

the nuisance of a break-up

People who were close for long, who shared not just the bed, but many a secret together, couples tied in the knot of matrimony, young lovers who rejoiced in the bliss of their youth; the same ones when things go adrift, comes out with a pile of junk no one else knows about. They have so many things to say about each other, not the pleasant ones now that they are going different ways. Earlier they always had so much to talk and do to each other and the only change is that the 'to' gets replaced by 'about'. Saw it happen in the sanctity of marriage, when many a thing personal gets announced out to the world in a Court room, saw it happen in the longest and so called truest of romances.

I have had my fare share of trysts with romance and most times I just walked out silently after the bye. I have been dumped and I have dumped. Guess that briefs it the best. Never really bothered to get back at the person or try do anything about it. It has always worked for me and a couple of females I used to see are my very good friends today. Maybe, it is just because I walked away, never really bothered to trouble and they grew more in confidence about me as a person to be trusted. That is my only logic. I guess I have been the lucky one for having met people who never really troubled me after the break-ups.

Not always you stays lucky and this time I am bearing the wrath of a break-up last October. With the nature of work, we require to be in the vicinity of each other for 5 days a week and I always doubted she would crack up eventually and start of with the 'throwing dirt' part, because of my nagging presence. She has every reason to be upset about me and I withdrew into a shell, so that she gets more space to live. I am not a fool, not to realize when I have been heartless and at least try not hurt the person more. I wouldn't say I haven't ever spoken about her. Yeah, couple of times I mentioned about how she cramped me with her questions and at another time I said she bored me with her banter. Once I even spoke about her  family, how same all three people in the house thought and how narrow it felt for me. Our parents knew about our relation, mine wasn't happy, hers weren't either, then eventually being up close with each other we weren't happy, I did the honors, said bye and walked away heartlessly.

Then when you get to hear people ask you questions which only she knew, secrets about yourself, your loved ones, it doesn't feel great. And when more people ask you more questions and you are forced to think, what is to be done. Hurt her, no that is not me, I know that. Leave her and not be bothered, it doesn't feel right. Now this is the feeling of vengeance in me speaking, but I know, I will get over it and the questions and walk away.

When will people learn not to throw dirt after the break-up. For the sake of an old love, when for some moments they felt special with each other, for that memories, cant people restrain from the art of throwing dirt. Haa haa who am I to ask, I can practice and not talk what I just wrote. Maybe the shaved head and resemblance to a Buddhist Monk is making me think in terms of Nirvana rather than the drunken brawl of joy my ego gets in hurting her :)

then my alter ego shouts out loud, Some people are not worth even the vengeance !! ((good old chap, he never gives up and nirvana is the last thing in his mind))


  1. "Tied in matrimony", that usage though harmlessly mentioned by you, is the fact in many case. Couples are tethered. And that is the cog of all problems. Which means there is no space for the individual, which is vital in case of all human beings, no place for mutual respect, and understanding and no place to accept differences even if it means one has to fret and give way. Hell is this not all accommodation and perseverance, this conjoining of matrimony?
    Some people speak about of absence of love and not being loved. Yes indeed being felt, being loved is a feeling that all living things yearn for, even flora. Sometimes it could also be that one doesn’t understand the affection showered. Someone opined once that crying to be loved, begging for love will only increase beggary.

    Washing the dirtied linen in the square is an uncivilised and sorrowful thing. It is the domination of ego and false pride, is it not? I have known people who spread innuendo and dirt about the other after a separation. And when I asked the reason for the break up, one woman had no qualms in throwing aspersions on the man. Whilst the fact I understood was that he was sick of her laissez-faire life style and would not want to be a surrogate father.
    Once a German business associate, a woman (divorced and now in a live in relationship) wondered loudly how I and my wife have been married for twenty plus years while we continue to live together and work together. She wanted to know how we could agree to see the same face at home and work place.

    In lighter vein Buddha walked out of marriage and could attain nirvana!

  2. Secrets meant to stay between each other must remain within no matter what; even if their relationships cease to exist.

    Marriage - people have many versions of "marriage behavior". It is not difficult to adjust, compromise, love, trust and be mutually respect each other, is it?

  3. Asked to choose within a final opportunity of justification and unceasing gesture of respect and reliability; what would the majority go for? The choice tells where are you precisely plotted on the bridge connecting IGNORANCE and WISDOM

  4. Some people are not worth even the vengeance !!
    I jus liked it lot!!


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