A week back, the status message on a friends profile in facebook read, "the government should change its emblem from the Ashoka Chakra to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance…! A condom allows for inflation ,halts production, protects a bunch of dicks and gives a sense of security while you are actually being screwed", it was said to have been from Amartya Sen's blog. I found the quote hilarious and couldn't help make sounds similar to that of a hyena in office, attracting curious glares.
Call it the twist of destiny and I had another condom incident in the evening, when I went to get pills to kill the three week old virus fiddling with my sinus. A couple they seemed to me, she had the splash of vermilion on forehead and mehendi on hands and he looked groomed, licked and cleaned and laundered, an appearance men generally seem to possess at the very initial days in a matrimony. They were standing right at the counter the contraceptives were kept, but since it was locked, they didn't want to call the pharmacist and open it. It was close to midnight and I felt they did really want it, but felt embarrassed to ask. The guy looked at me and he knew, I knew what they wanted and he had his eyes out, asking me to open the drawer for him.
The time, the bill was being made, I said, "please get me a packet of condoms." I said it loud, for the couple to hear and the contraceptive counter was opened, the pharmacist looked indifferently at me and asked, "dotted, flavored or ribbed?" It didn't really matter and I just got the cheapest rubber around. Thankfully, the guy picked the cue and he asked for it as well and pharmacist gave him his rubber. Standing at the counter, the guy had a smile on his face, a thanks in his eyes and I walked out from the pharmacy.
Ten foots into the cold night and the heavens opened up, and I traced back my steps. It was a good half kilometer to my apartment and I was sure to get wet, if I ventured out, but then the rain didn't seem to stop. I tore the aluminum wrapper of the condom, took my mobile and rolled the condom over my phone and knotted the end.
I didn't want my phone to get wet, and the little ghat travel experience I have and my trysts with rain has taught me, condom actually is a travelers best friend. Not because, they could go on a sex odyssey, but because, if there are some things you didn't want to get wet, like the mobile phone or the wallet or anything about 5 inches in diameter and about 10 inches in length could be kept protected in the latex.
I slipped the phone back into my boxers and started jogging, thinking about my trysts with the latex. Yeah I have always almost carried it, ever since reading the Harold Robins book "a stone for danny fisher", when 15. Though the condoms were put to their 'real purpose of manufacture', as the mba grads with whom I work might prefer call it, at a very later stage in life, I always felt it very handy after I opened one and checked it. I had bought it hidden in the huge list of groceries and supplies I bought from a retail store.
Time has flown by, the shades of black has some grays appearing, the huge supplies list is no longer there, I bought a packet of condoms, to make it easier for somebody else to ask for it. I felt like a good Samaritan!! Condoms and a good Samaritan, weird patterns of thoughts, I know.Hope the church is not going to excommunicate me, crying blasphemy.
Opening the door to my apartment, I shouted aloud to myself "dotted, flavored or ribbed??" I wish, if only people spoke about contraceptives, sex and everything under the stars, like the way the pharmacist said, crisp and clear, so many uncanny beasts could have been kept at bay. Alas, but yet we all prefer the comfort of silence and feed the beasts with the chunkiest piece of our days.