Tuesday, October 4, 2011

the choices of October

The 'dry day' in respect to Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi's birth anniversary on October 2nd have ensured in the recent past years that I wish my Amma on her birthday not slurred with spirits, but bright eyed and fully conscious. I didn't call her in the middle of the night, messaged her and went in search for a midnight buffet, when Gandhi's birthday got over and my Amma's started, the greys of Telangana soaps hanging about in every other corner.

The sober October wind on my face, and I thought about the gifts I have never managed to give her on the birthday. When it gets to gifts, it usually never  is the occasion, but the need which determines the time. But then, I have managed to always get done something, she likes, on her day, though the news not always shared with her. 

It was on an October 3rd that I decided not to adorn my lips with the spirit for 2 years to come. My lips sure never tasted the spirits for well over 2 years. A not so great functioning lever couldn't make me do it, but yeah a decision while taking shower in the morning on her birthday, ensured the much needed break. It was never a resolution, it was a decision, a choice as I prefer to say. I chose not to have the golden liquid make its way down my throat for the next two years.

It is the same day I said adieu to my last serious romance exactly one year ago, showing her the exit door from my life. She cramped me and it felt suffocating, the ideas she had about life, I couldn't stand it any longer and the exit door was shown, mercilessly amidst feminine arsenal of tears, which makes not the single difference to me. I think about women as equals, responsible just as much as a man, for every act and deed. If I hadn't shown the door to the romance, she would have been a part of my family, burdening the most loved people in my life with her tantrums. Some people are not worthy, cause for them, family is where you go for the vacations and parents are just beings who gets your material requisites for you. You love them cause they are the only people you have who wouldn't ask to repay back for the things they have given. I don't get back to my family for the vacation, but life, because it surely is with them that I truly live. That was another choice made on the same day and probably the wisest choice of last year :)
 
Yesterday night, a talk with some important people in office brought about  the biggest smile I had this whole year. I am being let off with a 'no hire back' clause, either this Friday or the next !! The resignation mail, which was the first mail I typed and saved in drafts, on the same day I joined, which underwent many a revision in these past 15 months, was finally mailed to the important people who matters. I didn't care about being politically correct in my mail, but to be honest. Burning the bridge, making sure no one bothers to be in touch with me other than the ones I feel worthy. Probably the bluntness upfront on my resignation mail made sure the firm decided to get done with the notice period and see my back asap, as they say it over here. The excitement for it to be the Friday, the day I pack my belongings in a box and walk out to a little more meaningful life than just credit card bills made sure I was over the phone sharing it with Amma just before the clock stuck 12. A choice she been waiting to hear :)

13 comments:

  1. Little surprised to know that you have bid adieu to spirits.

    As for the decisions that touch upon ones life , judgement matters. And it is not always that judgements are wrong.

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  2. Good luck with whatever it is that you plan to do next.

    Cheers
    JPK

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  3. "You love them cause they are the only people you have who wouldn't ask to repay back for the things they have given"

    Bang on!!

    Best luck to you in whatever you decide to step onto.

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  4. ousu

    best of luck for the endeavours, whatever they are, you are about to embark on.

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  5. One will never get the perfect partner in life, because one is not perfect either. The love for one's parents is natural; that for a chosen mate requires tolerance in abundance.

    I could never take such earth-shattering decisions! Instead i keep a steady, moderate affair with golden liquids!

    Venture out into the world! You can be young only once! All the best, Ousu!

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  6. I have never come across a blogger who so openly writes about topics that are considered a taboo, past relationships and other things that people would think a hundred times before posting. Kudos to you Ousu.I admire that in your blog. Straight from the heart and no twisted talks- straight and blunt!

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  7. Anil - I am surprised myself about the 'spirits', but then that was a choice and I made it for a different go at yet another thing I might like doing in life :)

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  8. JPK - No plans Sir, but sure will be up to something in about a fortnight. The immediate plans are to get granpa's stitches removed the next monday..boy aint he happy :)

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  9. Suraj - Thanks Sir..And am glad, you read my blogs :)

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  10. Insignia - That is what I have sometime felt parents were, with age maybe I grew mature about my feelings for my folks..and i think for everyone parents been just that a moment or the other.. maybe i am wrong :)

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  11. Sumi - endeavors, I am not sure of!! but your wishes will come handy, in whatever i decide to start in a fortnights time and for a change in consultation with granpa..maybe the 85 years of experience could tell me somethings are not worth trying and some are worth dying for :)

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  12. Pooja - Maybe,the catholic in me is having a leisure day and i feel nothing is taboo to speak about, not to defame :) thanks for liking the bareness in my blogs and being honest about it..

    now that the catholic is back, he wouldn't mind if everyone opens up, like in trillions and the whole world just get over things and live for life, which is unto a reason to itself.. ((the Catholics idea is about a god and his invincibility..so the trillion could for sure open up, talk together and get things conveyed and solved :p ))

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