The nights stood more cold this month of December, bringing forth in my mind the sorrows from winter. The world celebrates the birth of christ, following the winter solstice, and I think about the Decembers from my life, which I try consciously not to think about. When the whole world is rejoicing in the birth, I sit ponder about the loses that Christmas brought in my life. Blame it on all that mid-night masses I had been to forced to, when young. Hadn't I not found solace sleeping on the tombstones, I too would have been blessed to see the joy in the birth. I loved my sleep way much more than God and in sleep I felt no fear of the god or evil.
I am yet unsure about my conviction in salvation. I feel the sense of my insignificance when compared to the universe and not stand in awe to the magnificent creator, whose matrix had me designed in it. But then, if he was as magnificent as he is said to be, then why a multitude of things which we wish would change, why this ignorance on so basic a thing as to our purpose of existence? To make life "interesting", for the lack of a better word !!