Thursday, February 16, 2012

Mothers !

My mother tells me the other night, "we would want you to run the finance of the family. We will give you the bills we make and you manage the family." I had an instant reply to her, "Amma, I earn very little, and it would suffice only for a single mans needs and I can't permit myself to ask you for money to run the family." She stares at me for a long time, wonders whether I have more coming and she gets devoted with the preparations for the next day.

Just before she sleeps, she comes into my room and sees me engrossed in my computer and she looks over my shoulder and says, "you need to teach me this thing. I still can't make sense and thankfully my office is one of the rare ones, which is yet to be computerized." I tell her, "maa, we have tried thrice and still you can't figure the switches to be turned to get it on or to switch it off." She walks back from behind me to the door and I sensed her standing and staring at me from there, I didn't turn back.

I had a sense of being watched and I open my eyes, half living in the dream I had just left and I see my mother sitting at the foot of my bed. Not touching me, just staring, and then when she realizes that I am up, I see no change across her face. She tells me, "You are loving your freedom, but at the cost of a lot of things we hold sacred. We do not want our son to be just another me or your dad and feel the same things we felt or live the same life we lived or have the same dreams we had or believe in the same things we did and that is what is letting you have your way."

I was stunned, the most unlikely was happening, my mom and philosophical talks in the wee hours of morning, it can't be true. Maybe it was from the dream and she was only sitting there in real. My mind was yet to fathom the real and I mumble to her, "what..?" She tells me, "you should get married. Can we start doing something for that." I answer, "I have had my share of women and the longevity of a marriage doesn't excite me just for the act of sex and companion-ship."

She stands up and comes close, stares for some moments, smiles and tells me, "you indeed are loving your freedom, but at a cost of ours. We are growing old and maybe you should take over and let us live the dream we wanted to when we got close to sixty." There she was, just like before, reasoning and I knew, the philosophy earlier was real. She was appealing to my sense of respect for the individual and his dreams, with an emotional tinge. I gets back saying, "amma, what is stopping you from living your dream, quit your job and get doing with Appa, what ever your dream is. Don't bother about the three of us, we sure will live, and live in comfort. Your children are big and knows to take care of themselves"

She starts to leave, turns around and tells me, "My children, you are my dream!"


  1. I could see her face because she was my mother, 23 years ago. I got married when I was 33, leaving behind a stormy youth.

    When you get to old age, you will understand the meaning of what she said, ' you are my dream'.

    Very graphic, Ousu, very.

  2. Of all i loved the last line.. something strong there
    nicely described

  3. This "philosophy" for the sake of philosophy may be different.Somewhat clean and real is nice to hear or read.Thanks.

  4. Ousu, you just narrated truism , that are naked feelings in all parents.
    Wonder if ever there be parents who are comfortable with their children and their future. They see children as perpetual nestling.

  5. mr B and Melange - thanks ! what more do i tell you when you make me feel proud with ur words :)

  6. anil - truism.. true my friend..

    remember reading your post/ comment about off-springs being the replica of are one original thinker..proud to have known you


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