Sunday, May 27, 2012

broken dreams

She drove ahead, glued to the white lines on tarmac,
no sweeping glances filled her eyes with his lanky frame.
His heart was laden, heavy with the weight of loss,
the loss of innocence, which made him feel alive.

Dreams woven in thinnest silk, of being together as man and woman,
dreams of a future untold , with kids playing in the backyard pool.

First the pool gave way and later the backyard,
the kids and wife followed soon after.
He was a driftwood again, forsaking his love, searching the mighty blue,
to fill the emptiness he felt every morning he opened his eyes.

Clutching the dreams to her cold bosom, to be the woman and not just one,
in search of her own reasons to live, rather than be a wave in the driftwood's sail.








8 comments:

  1. That's a pleasant surprise Ousu.Though it's nothing new that you find something 'logical' in all what life is bestowing with..

    I don't know why I see kind of 'helplessness' in most of the portrayals from you Ousu.
    Nicely woven and realistic deep within..

    (love to read more from you)

    ReplyDelete
  2. A good attempt. Though my wits lag to comment on the lines, I sense they are a good beginning.

    ReplyDelete
  3. In the animal world, from an elephant to a mountain goat, you would note that it is unnatural for male of the species to be tied down to the its mate and offspring. Of course, there are exceptions, esp., among birds, like the Albatross, who pair for life, where the male share the duty of upbringing the offspring. But, as a rule it is not so; so too for homo sapiens. Yet, conditioned that we are, by the mores and morals of the society that we live in, the majority of men resign to monogamy and family raising. But, the deep yearning to free oneself, to roam the wilderness, to sow one's seeds far and wide remains unsatiated and very often this yearning expresses in socially unacceptable eruptions ( or erections!). But Ousu, that is our fate; fortunate are those who glow in the naturalness of life!

    I am a mediocre poet, so don't attach much importance to what I say. But reading your poem, these are my suggestions: Weave your images in smooth lines; from one line to another, let the picture evolve in the readers' minds. Use metaphors, try to get a rhythm, an unseen melody through it all. Let the thought fester your mind, take it out and whip it dry and lean to make the title first and then from the title, from that Kashaya podi, let the words flow out...

    It is a beautiful image, that of the man and woman sitting next to each other, yet so far away from each other. Ah, those pregnant silences...!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Melange - Thanks for the encouragement..and u r right, ther sure is a lot of helplessness in my portrayals..if i had the powers maybe i would have wanted the earth to dance a different tune and humans to believe in a different destiny, called the pursuit of happiness, rather than the backyard pool and kids filling it.. feeling helpless makes me write..and feeling helpless about relations gone astray because of the difference in life, that both wanted, i really at times dunno what else to do, than scribble on ma blog and pray for soe wisdom from my enlightened readers like you, anil, balan and bindu.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anil - my experiments with poetry, if i can ever call my 12 lines that..

    and I trust ur judgment about it being a good start..maybe with time and practice and deeper thoughts, I could learn a little more about the art Elliot mastered..

    ReplyDelete
  6. mr B - u r an amazing fellow being..and ur explanations about some notions that had me looped on a shoe string, always made me feel better at the end...thanks a lot balan for the patience you showed in reading my novice try out with poetry and gimming me your take on writing better composed poems..

    for me u r not a mediocre poet, but a mature one with depth that very few could ever meet...surprisingly another interesting poet I like is sumi mathai, the wonderingments blogger and I find a lot of you in her poems, in the way the lines gets twisted and the stark sharp emotions gets displayed in a few sentences..

    thanks a lot balan for the poets tips and hope with effort and a vivid imagination, I could try write up a poem with the same elan that you and sumi seems to possess

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ousu, I cannot agree with Balan more in any which way I tried.
    His statements are facts. male is disposed to polygamous liaisons.And the female too in a way would love to have the best few among males. If some one claims that female of the species are not so then that will be the most insipid and stupid lie.

    Male do not choose but female does and are discerning. If we are now different outwardly it is because of the consciousness ,what has become to be defined and termed morality and social etiquette and dos and don't s that have become part of social living.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sumi is an unusual, exceptional, brilliant poet, though I suspect her interest lie in visual communications more. We have had long relationship through blog and our mutual affection has never diminished. I am proud to say that I saw to her first poem in print; also, I have been influential in letting her bloom, realizing her unique path and individuality. She is a great kid and I love her as a daughter.

    You know, Ousu, the greatest pleasure in life is to watch a tree, in full bloom and fruit, and to tell oneself that, 'yeah, I had one day watered it a little'... The tree need not remember, the world need not acknowledge, but you only will recognize the fragrance of its flowers...

    And thanks for the kind words. Now, I am hinting at a business proposition. Search for 'Signs of Love Balachandran' in Flipkart, pay Rs.151/- and get a copy of my poems! Refund guaranteed if needed! ;-) The link is also given in my post a day back. Wish you happy reading!
    PS. I won't get the money, it goes to my publisher! ;-/

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...