Saturday, July 21, 2012

On Marriages


The new smart-phones in the market seldom gets bought in a moments decision, men read the reviews online or checks with a friend, who already has got a model by a specific company. The pro's and cons gets arrayed and then the tracker is possessed in exchange for a lot of green bills. Most acts by men from selecting a restaurant for a special dinner to planning retirement, 'caution' or rather 'diligent thought' precedes the act. The scenes that gets unfolded in the Court-rooms post marriage makes me wonder do we humans, puts forth diligent thought, when we get to the time of choosing a partner to share life with. The difference that it would bring forth to the space you always had for yourself, the aura around you, which seldom gave away for anyone.

Speaking with my aunt, living separated from her spouse, about the pending litigation  between them, I asked her, "Did you ever think about marriage, like one of the most important decisions in life, with the pros and cons arrayed? and then went ahead and got married?" She tells me, "No. I don't think so. Everyone was getting married and I could also do with a companion of my own and start a family like everyone else" She then wanted to know, what would be the pros and cons in a marriage?

Like the way you and I think before buying a laptop or a mobile phone, whether we should get an apple or a sony wio or a dell. Like the way we compare the features on blackberry with the i phone and then together compare both with the samsung note, on naaptol.

In the silence of my room, I try form a list of things that would be altered within the individual after the holy vows. In the normal circumstances, man gains companionship, safe and easy sex and  a chance to start a new family of his own. In healthy circumstances, the companionship grows over a period of time reaching heights, which could not be scaled by any other relation. The honey-moon never lasts for ever, and  days gets turned to weeks and months and almost nil by old age, the number of times you indulged in the act called sex, or rather 'love-making' since it is within the permissible chain of matrimony and we are thinking of a scenario when 'him' and 'her' wants it. The sense of belonging to a family, a close knit group of individuals, who loves each other almost like themselves, is another thing a man gets by taking the vows.

The cons too are not left far behind! I would say in a marriage between the smart phone users (i meant more evolved humans and has nothing against smartphone), there is a 80 - 20 ratio between the marriage being "the bliss" and it being "not exactly a blissful experience". Marriage is more or less like a voyage, exploring the blue and loving it, but then the waters are not always calm. The first question into my mind is, do I want to take a chance? The odds are in favor, but still is companionship and sex favored by me more than solitude. Not loneliness, but solitude, when the man is at peace with himself. Most humans loves solitude, some identifies it, some do not. The love of solitude can easily be traced to the love for 'thyself'. One can deny it, but none could hide it from themselves that humans love himself almost always the most in the world.

Do I want to take up responsibility for other beings? My partner, the kids that gets born, the extended family which becomes mine, do I have it in me to be responsible towards the others on the voyage? The person will have to adjust, make accommodations, blend and evolve, to keep the harmony uninterrupted. While a single driftwood can always think about his floating and his interest over and above everyone else and be honest about it.

I have heard some married friends of mine swear when the watch gets to a particular hour, because it is the time for them to get home. Not because they don't love their wives or have a troublesome married life, but because they were enjoying what they were doing and for some time more would love continue doing that like us, the bachelors. But the responsibility towards a good wife waiting for him, makes him leave and he swears just cause of that. There is no ill will against her, but a grief about the bygone solitude!

If only people thought of what changes would marriage bring to the person he is and the space around him. Take the decision for or against getting married, willingly taking the risks on the personal front. It would have been so better a voyage for them who walk the corridors of courthouses, stuck in litigation, fighting shamelessly before other prying eyes, with the person you on someday shared the bed and shared yourself.
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